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Month: May 2016

The Daily Bonnet

Matt Falk’s ‘That Mennonite Joke’ Rakes in Three Billion Dollars at the Box Office

May 19, 2016 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB Comedian Matt Falk’s new film That Mennonite Joke has just surpassed James Cameron’s Avatar to become the highest grossing film of all time at the global box office. After a triumphant star-studded premiere at Steinbach’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Corny Rempel Inducted into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

May 19, 2016 Andrew

CLEVELAND, OH Local Elvis tribute artist and radio personality Corny Rempel is set to become the first Mennonite elected into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. “As far as the Rock Hall is concerned, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach City Council Approves Plan to Move Entire Population to Mennonite Heritage Village

May 17, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Disregarding months of public consultation that suggested residents preferred to stay in the 21st century, council members of Manitoba’s third largest city voted Tuesday to move the entire population to the local pioneer […]

Unger & Thirst

Climate Scientists Predict Global Shortage of Schmaunt Fat

May 16, 2016 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Climate scientists in southern Ontario predict that, due to increasing temperatures, by the year 2030, there will be a global shortage of schmaunt fat. The white cream gravy has been a staple of […]

Unger Suspicion

Bernie Sanders’s Mittens Sworn in as President of the United States

May 2, 2016 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC A pair of delightful mittens worn by Bernie Sanders were sworn in as President of the United States earlier today. “I’m going to be a President for all Americans, not just those with […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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