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Month: May 2016

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Teen Accused of Showing Too Much Ankle on Snapchat

May 23, 2016 Andrew

SCHANZENBERG, SK Local Mennonite teen Patricia Schmidt, 18, will appear before the church deacon board on Tuesday to defend her immodest post on social media over the weekend. “I was just showing off my new Maddens to […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Still ‘Feeling the Bern’

May 23, 2016 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Mennonite deacon and family man Larry Hiebert, 33, is desperately holding onto any last thread of hope that Bernie Sanders has of winning the Democratic nomination. Hiebert was at the front of the crowd when Sanders […]

Unger Suspicion

Battle Erupts in Winkler Over Prince’s Estate

May 23, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Dozens of Mennonites throughout the Pembina Valley are desperately scouring their ancestry books to find a relation to recently departed musician Prince. “I had never heard of him before, but I just know […]

Unger Suspicion

Queen Victoria to Tour Southeast Manitoba on Monday

May 21, 2016 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Ecstatic monarchists across the Southeast region are lining the streets in anticipation of Queen Victoria’s visit. Her Majesty, now nearly 200, is rumoured to arrive in Manitoba early Monday morning and will make stops […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Satirist Spends Hours Indoors Writing Articles on First Warm May Long Weekend in Decades

May 21, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Completely missing the rare opportunity to have a rain-free May long weekend, pathetic local writer Andrew Unger spent hours indoors constructing satirical news items. “The weather’s beautiful, but I’ve got articles to write,” said Unger […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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