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winter

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba’s Most Progressive Mennonite Man Moves His Clock Forward an Hour

March 10, 2019 Andrew

REINHOF, MB A man from the small hamlet of Reinhof is being hailed as a “free-thinking radical” after moving his clock forward an hour last night. “What can I say,” said Mr. Reimer. “I’ve always […]

Unger & Thirst

Controversial Mennonite Woman Cooks Up Batch of Somma Borscht in Winter

March 7, 2019 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MB Mrs. Plett of Hochfeld really shook things up at the soup and pie fundraiser this week after brazenly cooking up a batch of somma borscht in the dead of winter. “Oba nay, the […]

Unger Suspicion

One Million Manitobans Trapped in their Driveways Due to Obstructed Views

March 6, 2019 Andrew

PORTAGE LA PRAIRIE, MB More than a million Manitobans have been trapped at the edge of their driveways this winter unable to see clearly enough beyond the huge mounds of piled up snow. “I’ve been […]

Unger Games

‘Mount Kenaston’ Ski Hill Closes for the Season

March 2, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Manitoba’s highest and favourite ski hill ‘Mount Kenaston’ is closing for the 2019 season after temperatures rose to minus twenty this weekend. “We’re getting into spring now and we’ve decided to shut things […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Beaches to Open This Weekend After Temperatures Soar to -15!

February 13, 2019 Andrew

LAKE WINNIPEG, MB Manitobans have been sporting swimwear this entire week after temperatures reached daytime highs of -15 degrees celsius. The temperatures are so unseasonably warm that beaches will be opening early this year. “It’ll […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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