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winnipeg

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg’s Population Surpasses 850,000 Friesens

January 20, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB According to a recent Statistics Canada estimate, the City of Winnipeg now has a population of just over 850,000 Friesens. “And growing,” said mayor Scott Gillingham, one of just three individuals in the […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipegers Rush to Get their Hands on the Cheapest Nosebleed Seats

January 13, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Moments after tickets for the upcoming Heintje concert went on sale at the Canada Life Centre, all the worst seats were gone. “You’ve got to be quick on the draw if you want […]

Unger Games

Portage and Main Pedestrians Fuel Rumours Jets Won the Cup

June 28, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Rumours about a Winnipeg Jets Stanley Cup victory have been spreading this weekend after pedestrians were spotted crossing Portage and Main for the first time since the mid-70s. “People above ground at Portage […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Winkler Costco to Open Up on West End of Winnipeg

February 16, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winkler is finally getting its own Costco store, which will be conveniently located just an hour and a half away in Winnipeg. “Finally, Winkler’s getting a Costco!” proclaimed local man John Penner. “It’s […]

Unger the Influence

“Nah, we’re good”: Winnipeg Excluded from Plan to Make Canada the 51st US State

December 4, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A committee of 12 American delegates have arrived in Canada this week in hopes of adding a significant amount of territory to the American empire. “Everything was going okay until we arrived in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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