The Unger Review
  • Sections
    • The Daily Bonnet
    • Headline Contest
    • Unger Conviction
    • Unger Games
    • Unger the Influence
    • Unger Suspicion
    • Unger & Thirst
  • Mennotoba
  • The Daily Bonnet
  • The Best of the Bonnet
  • About The Unger Review
  • Andrew Unger

vic toews

Unger Games

Toews Plays Final Game for Chicago

April 15, 2023 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL There was a standing ovation in Chicago this week after former Canadian cabinet minister Vic Toews played his final game for the local NHL squad. “He didn’t score a lot of points in […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Jets Trade for the Wrong Toews

January 23, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Rumours have been swirling for weeks that Chicago Blackhawks superstar Jonathan Toews might be on the trading block, and what better place for him to land than in his hometown of Winnipeg. Unfortunately […]

The Daily Bonnet

NHL Teams Clamour to Sign Any Toews They Can

July 2, 2022 Andrew

DENVER, CO After the Stanley Cup successes of Jonathan Toews and Devon Toews (no relation), NHL squads are now looking to sign any and every Toews they can get their hands on. “Get a Toews […]

Unger Suspicion

Patrik Laine Has Now Officially Passed Jonathan Toews in Total Mennoniteness

February 21, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Despite his Finnish origin and inability to speak Plautdietsch, Winnipeg Jets star Patrik Laine is now officially even more Menno than Jonathan Toews. According to sources, his moustacheless beard was inspired by the […]

The Daily Bonnet

60% of Manitobans Claim to be Cousins of Jonathan Toews

April 17, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A new poll shows that just over 60% of the Manitoba population claims to be related to NHL star Jonathan Toews. “When you’ve got someone as famous as Jonathan Toews, suddenly everyone and […]

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

More from the unger review

  • Andrew Unger Reads Daily Bonnet Hate Mail
    October 15, 2017
  • Mennonite Hymn Wins Eurovision Song Contest
    May 23, 2025
  • Fred Penner and Al Simmons to Square Off in World Heavyweight Title
    July 14, 2019
  • Apple Introduces New Siri Voice with Mennonite Accent
    January 15, 2018
  • Mennonite Man Slops $1000 Worth of Caesar Salad on His Plate
    November 27, 2022

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

HOME OF

Copyright © 2025 The Unger Review - All Rights Reserved