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Daily Bonnet

The Roman Empire: Why Mennonites Just Can’t Stop Thinking About It

September 20, 2023 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK According to a viral trend on TikTok, Mennonites think about the Roman Empire three or four times a week, more often than food, sex, or even church. “It’s shocking. I had no idea,” […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Bans TikTok From All Devices … But Only the Dancing Videos

March 3, 2023 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB The Southern La Crete MEMMCBM church has decided the risk of youth watching dance videos is too great and thus TikTok must be banned. “But we’re not killjoys or something. The dancing […]

Unger Suspicion

Lindsey “Loewen” Reveals We’ve Been Spelling and Saying Her Name Wrong the Whole Time

February 23, 2022 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Mean Girls star Lindsey Loewen revealed today in her TikTok debut that she’s actually Kleine Gemeinde from Taber (via Cuauhtémoc) and we’ve all been spelling and saying her name wrong the whole time. “It’s Loe-wen […]

The Daily Bonnet

New TikTok Account Features Videos of Mennonite Woman Resisting the Urge to Dance

March 9, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB It’s the hottest TikTok account in Altona and it features videos of a Mennonite woman just sitting there perfectly still for ten to fifteen seconds. “Wow, did you see that crazy video of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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