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thrift store

The Daily Bonnet

Fight Breaks Out Over Coat at Local Thrift Store

November 25, 2021 Andrew

SEWARD, NE There was an all out brawl at the local thrift store this afternoon after a lovely faux fur winter coat was spotted by two Mennonite women simultaneously. “I saw it first!” yelled Mrs. […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Karen Demands to Speak to Thrift Store Manager

July 18, 2020 Andrew

NEUBERGNORT, MB A local Karen is very upset over the “outrageous” prices at her Neubergnort Self Help and is demanding to speak to the manager right this minute or else she’s filing a complaint with […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Flock to Reopened MCC Store to Buy Bigger Pants

June 12, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB More than a thousand eager, and slightly larger, Mennonites were lined up outside the Altona self-help this Friday when they heard the store just got in a fresh supply of pants. “Jauma lied, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Eager for Thrift Stores to Reopen

May 1, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Froese is beside herself waiting for her local MCC store to reopen in the next little while. During the time it was closed, Mrs. Froese had no place to donate all her […]

Unger Suspicion

Off-Key Mennonite Singers Top ‘Best Albums of the Decade’ List

January 1, 2020 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Despite the fact that the last ten years were undoubtedly the worst such span in popular music history, music critics have been forced by their editors to come up with ‘Best Albums […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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