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television

The Daily Bonnet

TV Remote Far Too Complicated for Taunte Mary

November 14, 2016 Andrew

GRETNA, MB Taunte Mary of Gretna had to call her nephew Phillip yet again this past week when she couldn’t figure out how to get the television to turn on after having watched a DVD of ‘Doctor […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Renounces Genealogy After Connection to Homer Simpson is Discovered

November 4, 2016 Andrew

MAIN CENTRE, SK Local Mennonite elder Leon Groening suddenly ceased his genealogy hobby on Friday after discovering a connection to cartoon imbecile Homer Simpson. “I was on Grandma’s Window – you know the Mennonite genealogy website […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Hires CNN to ‘Fact-Check’ Her Husband

October 30, 2016 Andrew

ANAHEIM, CA Tired of “his constant BS,” local Mennonite woman, Mary Penner, 75, of Anaheim, decided to submit her husband Pete to a CNN Reality Check. “I just wasn’t sure that what he was telling […]

Unger Conviction

100 Million Viewers Expected to Watch Tonight’s Televised Mennonite Elder Board Meeting

September 26, 2016 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA CNN is expecting record viewership tonight as it plans for the first ever live broadcast of a Mennonite elder board meeting. “Some people haven’t been paying attention to the current Mennonite election cycle and […]

Unger Suspicion

Fox News Sold to Group of Mennonite Investors; New Channel to Promote ‘Peace, Love, and Understanding’

September 13, 2016 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Following a $12 billion bid for the notorious news outlet, a group of pacifist Mennonite investors has successfully taken ownership of Fox News and are planning to turn it into a channel that promotes […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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