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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Sells His Toronto Raptors Seat to Buy $400,000 Combine

May 28, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON It was an offer he couldn’t refuse. When Mr. Wiens was offered almost half a million dollars for his court-side seat to Thursday’s game one of the NBA Finals in Toronto, it was […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Jets Players Required to Sleep with Plastic Sheets on their Beds

April 12, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After yet another horrid performance tonight, the mothers of all the Winnipeg Jets players have required their sons to sleep with plastic sheets on their beds from now on. “I know they’re grown […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Begrudgingly Signs Up for Sportsnet So He Can Watch the Jets Game

April 10, 2019 Andrew

ARBORG, MB Peter Giesbrecht, 67, is really looking forward to the Jets playoff push this year. One thing, however, that he’s not too keen on is subscribing to Rogers Sportsnet just so he can watch […]

Unger Games

Angry Mennonite Hockey Fan Can’t Figure Out “Waut de schissjat is wrong with those Jats yet!”

April 7, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local hockey fan Mr. Kehler, who owns three acres just off Henderson Highway in Vanapag, is sea upset about the Jats performance as of late and expressed his rage in a recent Facebook […]

Unger & Thirst

Rogers Crew Getting Really Fat From All This Mennonite Food

March 10, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After hitting up Winkler last weekend and Steinbach this weekend, the Rogers Sportsnet crew has gained an average of twenty-three pounds in just two weeks. “When we chose to do Hometown Hockey in […]

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