Mennonite Church Discards Hymnals Because No One Can Read Music Anymore


The Second Mennonite Church of Newton, Kansas has decided to ditch their hymnals after it was discovered that not a single person in the congregation could read sheet music anymore.

“Oh, sure, Mrs. Penner was faking it for years,” said Pastor Dave, “but, who is she kidding? No one can read the music. They just know the tune.”

The problem came to the forefront after the worship leader asked everyone to turn in their hymnals to Hymn 511, a song the church had never sung before.

“‘God who touches earth with beauty?’ Never heard of it,” said Mrs. Penner. “I guess I’ll just make up my own melody.”

The song was a complete disaster with everyone making up their own tune and one of the Wiebe sisters belting it out to the tune of the Jackson Five’s ‘ABC 123’.

After the fiasco with Hymn 511, Pastor Dave addressed the congregation.

“Can none of you read music?” he exclaimed. “What kind of Mennonites are you?”

The Second Mennonite Church will be installing an overhead projector this week and members are encouraged to pick up mulch for their gardens made from old hymnals.

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