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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Learns His ‘ABCs’

March 27, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Until recently local man Mr. Fehr had absolutely no use for learning the alphabet. However, the recent pandemic has forced him to learn his ABCs so he can wash his hands properly. “All […]

Unger Suspicion

School Children in Waterloo, Ontario Required to Sing ABBA Song Every Morning

October 22, 2019 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Starting this fall, hundreds of students in Waterloo, Ontario have been singing a new anthem each morning at 9 o’clock. “First we take attendance and do the announcements, then the kids stand up […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Child Opens Lunch Box to Find a Lard Sandwich Yet Again Today

May 10, 2019 Andrew

HOCHFELD, SK Little Earl Petkau could hardly wait to open up his Patridge Family lunch box and search around to see what his mom had packed him. Unfortunately, Earl’s hopes were quickly dashed as mom […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite College Student Faints with Excitement at Hauerwas Lecture

April 29, 2019 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC Thousands of die hard Stanley Hauerwas fans packed BC Place Stadium this week to hear the famed theologian give an hour long public lecture. The crowd was so excited to see the Resident Aliens-author […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Awarded Ph.D. in Basket Weaving

March 30, 2019 Andrew

SHARTFIELD, SK While Shartfield Mennonite Bible School has been offering diplomas in basket weaving for decades, Mr. Peter Wiebe has become the first ever to make it all the way to Ph.D. status. “Oba, my […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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