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roll kuchen

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Brings His Own Rogers To Be Covid Compliant

August 10, 2020 Andrew

WALDHEIM, SK In an effort to make sure he was compliant with all the government health advice, Mr. Letkeman, 52, of Waldheim brought his very own bottle of Rogers Golden Syrup for the annual Letkeman […]

Unger & Thirst

Ra’bus Shortage Leaves Mennonites Eating Dry Roll Kuchen

June 27, 2020 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO With demand outstripping supply this year, millions of Mennonites have been left ra’busless and desperate for something to sweeten up their roll kuchen. “You gotta have the golden syrup, maybe even some icing […]

Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Rogers Golden Syrup Shortage

September 13, 2019 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Thousands of Mennonites have been placed in Intensive Care units this summer after a shortage of Rogers Golden Syrup has left them without the necessary sustenance for life. “My Henry’s a fighter, but […]

Unger & Thirst

Lutheran Man Joins Mennonite Church After Discovering Roll Kuchen

July 6, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mr. Schmidt of Steinbach has been a life-long attendee at the local Lutheran Church. However, after discovering roll kuchen this week, he decided to abandon the faith of his childhood and join the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Spends Five Hours Selecting Watermelon

June 23, 2019 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Mrs. Fehr, 63, had to make sure she got just the right watermelon for her faspa this Sunday and so she spent more than five hours knocking, tapping, poking and shaking various melons […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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