The Unger Review
  • Sections
    • The Daily Bonnet
    • Headline Contest
    • Unger Conviction
    • Unger Games
    • Unger the Influence
    • Unger Suspicion
    • Unger & Thirst
  • Mennotoba
  • The Daily Bonnet
  • The Best of the Bonnet
  • About
  • Merch
  • Andrew Unger

roll kuchen

Unger & Thirst

Canada-Wide Rogers Golden Syrup Outage Stretches on for Hours

April 19, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mennonites across the country were without Rogers Golden Syrup for more than five hours on Monday. “It’s a good thing it’s not a weekend when demand for Rogers Golden Syrup peaks,” said Doris […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Brings His Own Rogers To Be Covid Compliant

August 10, 2020 Andrew

WALDHEIM, SK In an effort to make sure he was compliant with all the government health advice, Mr. Letkeman, 52, of Waldheim brought his very own bottle of Rogers Golden Syrup for the annual Letkeman […]

Unger & Thirst

Ra’bus Shortage Leaves Mennonites Eating Dry Roll Kuchen

June 27, 2020 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO With demand outstripping supply this year, millions of Mennonites have been left ra’busless and desperate for something to sweeten up their roll kuchen. “You gotta have the golden syrup, maybe even some icing […]

Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Rogers Golden Syrup Shortage

September 13, 2019 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Thousands of Mennonites have been placed in Intensive Care units this summer after a shortage of Rogers Golden Syrup has left them without the necessary sustenance for life. “My Henry’s a fighter, but […]

Unger & Thirst

Lutheran Man Joins Mennonite Church After Discovering Roll Kuchen

July 6, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mr. Schmidt of Steinbach has been a life-long attendee at the local Lutheran Church. However, after discovering roll kuchen this week, he decided to abandon the faith of his childhood and join the […]

Posts pagination

« 1 2 3 4 5 »
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

More from the unger review

  • Emergency Backup Preacher Fills In for Injured Senior Pastor
    February 25, 2020
  • NBC Gives New ‘Friends’ Reboot a Mennonite Twist
    March 27, 2019
  • Snake Loose in Grunthal
    September 9, 2020
  • Hypnotist Claims to Remove Mennonite Schmaunt Fat Cravings
    July 20, 2018
  • Ed Sullivan Theatre to Be Demolished and Replaced with Donald J. Trump Center for Free Speech
    May 22, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

HOME OF

Copyright © 2026 The Unger Review - All Rights Reserved