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Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Swifties to Exchange ‘Frintschoft’ Bracelets this Weekend

November 16, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Dozens of Mennonite Swifties have defied church orders and travelled from as far away as Aylmer and Leamington to attend a Taylor Swift concert in Toronto this weekend. “I’m going to hear about […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Gather at Relief Sale to Get their Hands on Fresh Tea Balls

May 28, 2022 Andrew

NEW HAMBURG, ON While the New Hamburg relief sale has dozens of delicious treats from donuts and fleisch piroschki to cream buns and roll kuchen, what Mennonites really like to bring out this time of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Puts on His Winter Tires

November 13, 2021 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mr. Kliewer of Leamington is always the last one in town to put on his winter tires, usually waiting until there’s at least three feet of snow at minimum. “Mennonites don’t need any […]

Unger Suspicion

Toronto Man Arrested for Pronouncing the Second T

August 21, 2021 Andrew

TORONNO, ON A 31-year-old lifelong Toronno resident, Gord Dueck, has been arrested on charges of mispronouncing the city’s name and will appear in court later this week. “We’re a pretty tolerant and inclusive city, but […]

Unger Conviction

“Freedom-Loving” Pastor Won’t Let Women Wear Pants

April 30, 2021 Andrew

DOMMHEIT, ON Canada’s most freedom-loving pastor, Apostle Hank, is all about liberty and personal freedoms without any coercion or undue influence from authority figures. “Our freedoms are being eroded daily!” exclaimed Apostle Hank to a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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