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Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Gather at Relief Sale to Get their Hands on Fresh Tea Balls

May 28, 2022 Andrew

NEW HAMBURG, ON While the New Hamburg relief sale has dozens of delicious treats from donuts and fleisch piroschki to cream buns and roll kuchen, what Mennonites really like to bring out this time of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Puts on His Winter Tires

November 13, 2021 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mr. Kliewer of Leamington is always the last one in town to put on his winter tires, usually waiting until there’s at least three feet of snow at minimum. “Mennonites don’t need any […]

Unger Suspicion

Toronto Man Arrested for Pronouncing the Second T

August 21, 2021 Andrew

TORONNO, ON A 31-year-old lifelong Toronno resident, Gord Dueck, has been arrested on charges of mispronouncing the city’s name and will appear in court later this week. “We’re a pretty tolerant and inclusive city, but […]

Unger Conviction

“Freedom-Loving” Pastor Won’t Let Women Wear Pants

April 30, 2021 Andrew

DOMMHEIT, ON Canada’s most freedom-loving pastor, Apostle Hank, is all about liberty and personal freedoms without any coercion or undue influence from authority figures. “Our freedoms are being eroded daily!” exclaimed Apostle Hank to a […]

The Daily Bonnet

St. Catharines, Ontario to be Renamed Taunte Katherine’s

February 24, 2021 Andrew

TAUNTE KATHERINE’S, ON After having reached the required minimum threshold of resident Mennonite aunties, the city of St. Catharines has voted to officially change its name to Taunte Katherine’s effective the first of the month. […]

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