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Unger Suspicion

Man in Cheetos-Stained Boxer Shorts Appointed Captain of the Winnipeg Jets

September 17, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Big news in the hockey world this week as local mom’s basement-dweller Al Kroeker, 38, of Winnipeg has just been appointed Captain of the Winnipeg Jets for the upcoming season. “It looks like […]

Unger & Thirst

Toews Fills Stanley Cup with Delicious Somma Borscht

June 29, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The ladies from the Abbotsford auxiliary borscht committee were working late into the night yesterday to pick out all the little bits of sorrel and beet greens that had become lodged in the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Offers Barry Trotz ‘Free Farmer Sausage for Life’ to Coach Jets

June 14, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local hockey fan Robert Sawatzky is so eager to get free agent head coach Barry Trotz signed on with the Winnipeg Jets that he’s willing to offer him ‘free farmer sausage for life.’ […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man’s Twenty Waved Off After Distinct Kicking Motion

May 29, 2022 Andrew

CALGARY, AB With just minutes left to play in game 5 of the Alberta crokinole finals, it seemed that Calgary’s Blake Kornelsen had flicked the twenty of his life. However, after consultation with the video […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Jets Sign Top Free Agent Enforcer Will Smith

April 3, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Desperately needing to shore up their physical game if they have any shot at the playoffs, the lowly Winnipeg Jets inked the hottest enforcer currently available – Will Smith. “I’m not sure how […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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