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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Offers Barry Trotz ‘Free Farmer Sausage for Life’ to Coach Jets

June 14, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local hockey fan Robert Sawatzky is so eager to get free agent head coach Barry Trotz signed on with the Winnipeg Jets that he’s willing to offer him ‘free farmer sausage for life.’ […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man’s Twenty Waved Off After Distinct Kicking Motion

May 29, 2022 Andrew

CALGARY, AB With just minutes left to play in game 5 of the Alberta crokinole finals, it seemed that Calgary’s Blake Kornelsen had flicked the twenty of his life. However, after consultation with the video […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Jets Sign Top Free Agent Enforcer Will Smith

April 3, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Desperately needing to shore up their physical game if they have any shot at the playoffs, the lowly Winnipeg Jets inked the hottest enforcer currently available – Will Smith. “I’m not sure how […]

Unger Suspicion

Paul Maurice to Coach Grunthal Red Wings

December 17, 2021 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Former Winnipeg Jets head coach Paul Maurice has been lured away from his NHL position and has signed on for the upcoming season with the Grunthal Red Wings of the Hanover Tache Hockey […]

Unger Suspicion

Evander Kane Caught with Fake Low German Vaccine Sticker

October 20, 2021 Andrew

SAN JOSE, CA Troubled San Jose Sharks forward Evander Kane is facing suspension this week after being caught with a totally fake Plautdietsch vaccine sticker. “I picked it up in Fresno,” said Kane in his […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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