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Unger Suspicion

Why Every Single Winnipeg Jets Player is Actually a Mennonite

April 21, 2018 Andrew

I’m not much one for conspiracies, but I think something’s going on here. Much has been made of the fact that Finnish superstar Patrik Laine seems awfully Mennonite with his beard and teetotaling. However, if […]

Unger Suspicion

Long-Suffering Vegas Knights Fan Finally Sees His Team Win the Cup

April 10, 2018 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV Long time Vegas Golden Knights fan Peter Sawatzky, 43, has suffered through many seasons without a Cup. Sawatzky, originally from Kleefeld, Manitoba, lives in Sin City during the winter and has had […]

Unger Suspicion

Jets Fans Toss Amish Hats onto the Ice to Celebrate Patrik Laine’s Hat Trick

March 7, 2018 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY There were more than a few Winnipeg Jets fans at Madison Square Gardens last night to witness the young Finnish superstar, and wanna-Anabaptist, Patrik Laine score three goals against the lowly Rangers. […]

Unger Suspicion

Patrik Laine Has Now Officially Passed Jonathan Toews in Total Mennoniteness

February 21, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Despite his Finnish origin and inability to speak Plautdietsch, Winnipeg Jets star Patrik Laine is now officially even more Menno than Jonathan Toews. According to sources, his moustacheless beard was inspired by the […]

Unger Conviction

Church Attendance “Way Up” in Calgary as Flames Threaten to Leave Town

January 26, 2018 Andrew

CALGARY, AB As the owners of the beloved Calgary Flames threaten to move the team to Houston or Seattle, tens of thousands of Calgarians have returned to church in order to “get right with the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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