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Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Discards Hymnals Because No One Can Read Music Anymore

September 15, 2019 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The Second Mennonite Church of Newton, Kansas has decided to ditch their hymnals after it was discovered that not a single person in the congregation could read sheet music anymore. “Oh, sure, Mrs. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Funk and Reimer Team Up on New Pop Album

September 2, 2019 Andrew

SOMMERFELD, MB ’70s disco sensation Peter Funk and late ’80s gangsta rap star Dick Reimer have joined forces to create a pop music tour de force. The new group called Dick Reimer and the P. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Reluctant Mennonite Man Dances to ‘Cotton Eye Joe’

August 16, 2019 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Guillermo Plett had never danced in his life and he wasn’t about to break his vow of dancing abstinence just because the Reimer cousins were getting married. However, three hours and a […]

Unger Conviction

Millions Show Up for Mennonite Church Service in Upstate New York

August 15, 2019 Andrew

LOWVILLE, NY Over a million people have turned up this weekend to a Mennonite church service on Max Yoder’s farm in upstate New York. The service, billed as “3 Days of Peace and Music,” features […]

Unger Suspicion

Winkler Welcomes the Return of Legendary 60s Folk Duo ‘Peter Pauls and Mary’

August 1, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winklerites have been snatching up tickets to see the long-awaited return of legendary 60s folk rock duo Peter Pauls and Mary. “Oba, I remember them since the charch picnic in 1964,” said Mr. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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