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math

The Daily Bonnet

Morden to Pass Winkler in Population By the Year 2056

February 14, 2022 Andrew

MORDEN, MB At the current rate, Manitoba’s fastest growing city, Morden, will pass rival community Winkler in population by the year 2056, the same year that Mennonite astronauts are set to colonize Jupiter. “Just do […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Convinced He Has a 50% Chance of Winning 50/50 Draw

August 7, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. Goossen was at a slo-pitch tournament in Winnipeg this week when he decided to give up his lifelong abstention from gambling and buy a 50/50 ticket. “I know I’m not supposed to […]

Unger Suspicion

Florida Hires Expert to Help with Election Recount

November 16, 2018 Andrew

TALLAHASSEE, FL Seemingly unable to ever get through an election without some sort of foul up, the State of Florida has hired the purple counting guy from Sesame Street to help with the recount. “We’ve […]

Unger Games

Mathematicians Confounded as Hockey Player Successfully Gives 110%

March 12, 2018 Andrew

DAUPHIN, MB Mathematicians across the globe were shocked to discover a junior hockey player in Dauphin, Manitoba giving a full 110% during a game against Virden on Friday night. “I can’t believe it. Prior to […]

Quizzes

Only 1 in 100 Mennonites Can Solve This Math Problem. Can You?

September 14, 2017 Andrew

Oba, when I was still in my training overalls Taunte Helen tried to teach me the maths, but I yust couldn’t figure it out yet. Even when the smartest boy in school, Obrom ‘Fuela‘ Kornelson, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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