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liquor store

Unger & Thirst

Oma Toews Accidentally Uses Liquor Store Bags for the Tutes this Year

December 24, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Oma Penner had dozens of brown paper bags kicking around this year and decided to fill them with peanuts and drop them off at all her grandkid’s doorsteps. “Oba, looks like Oma’s been […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman’s Glasses are So Foggy She Can’t Even See Who to Judge at the Liquor Store

September 15, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Fogged-up glasses have one advantage in the Mennonite town of Steinbach – they make it absolutely impossible to recognize anyone in the liquor store. “Not only do the masks obscure your face, but […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Mistakes MLCC for MCC

June 11, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local woman Mrs. Froese just moved to town from Jantsied and decided to spend her Saturday afternoon running a few errands. “I asked Mrs. Penner where yet is the Em See See and […]

Unger & Thirst

Liquor Store Undergoes Expansion; Now the Largest Church in Town

March 10, 2018 Andrew

ALT-BERGFELD, MB After a massive expansion to the local liquor store, residents of a small Mennonite town are now admitting that it’s the “largest church in town.” “More people stop by to pick up a two-four of […]

Unger & Thirst

Court Rules that Mennonites Are Allowed to Keep Their Masks on in the Liquor Store

October 15, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A Steinbach judge ruled today in favour of religious freedom, allowing Mennonites to wear full facial masks in “potentially embarrassing” public places like the liquor store or casino. “I’m pleased with the decision,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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