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Unger Conviction

Mennonites Baptized in Low German Forced to Do it Over Again in High German

March 14, 2022 Andrew

HENDERSON, NE A bunch of Friesens will have be rebaptized this week after it was discovered that Pastor John had been using Plautdietsch when he should have been using High German. “Everyone knows the Bible […]

The Daily Bonnet

10 Amazing Facts About Mennonites According to the 2021 Census

February 12, 2022 Andrew

Statistics Canada has just released the results of the 2021 census and there are many startling revelations about the country’s Mennonite population. Let’s have a look! Average Mennonite net worth: 73 acres of flax and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Truckers Now Honking in Fluent Plautdietsch

February 9, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Linguists at the University of Southern La Crete have finally uncovered the hidden language behind the incessant honking of horns heard in cities across Canada: Low German. “I know it may sounds like […]

Unger Conviction

All Mennonites Are Exactly the Same

October 8, 2021 Andrew

Mennonites have received a lot of attention in the media as of late, and not all of it has been positive. Therefore, it behooves me as a proud Mennonite and journalist to clear up a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Plautdietsch Ranked as ‘World’s Saxiest Accent’

April 23, 2021 Andrew

SCHÖNWIESE, MEXICO Move over French, there’s a new accent in town: Plautdietsch! According to a new survey conducted by Guillermo Toews of Schönwiese, Mexico, Mennonite Low German (aka Plautdietsch) is the “saxiest accent in the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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