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kelvin goertzen

Unger the Influence

Goertzen to Spend Retirement Years Playing High Stakes Competitive Crokinole

December 10, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Longtime Steinbach MLA Kelvin Goertzen announced this week that he will not be seeking re-election in the next provincial election. Instead, Goertzen intends to spend his retirement years singing tenor in a country […]

The Daily Bonnet

The Most Famous People with Every Mennonite Surname

July 24, 2024 Andrew

Have you ever wondered who is the most famous person with your surname? No? Well, you’re just being humble, I suppose. And that’s okay. But for those Mennonites who have less-than-traditional views on this matter, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Couple Plasters their Refrigerator with Christmas Cards from Politicians

December 7, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local couple Pete and Anne Dueck have plastered their refrigerator with their most precious holiday items – Christmas cards from area politicians. “Ahhh, Ted, you shouldn’t have,” said Pete, scrambling to find a […]

Unger Games

Andrew Harris Shatters Record for Most Rushing Yards by a Steinbacher

August 21, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON In what is certainly the most impressive feat of his illustrious career, Toronto Argos running back Andrew Harris has just become the first Steinbacher ever to reach 10,000 career rushing yards. “I know […]

Unger Suspicion

Heather Stefanson Finds Huge Mound of Zoat Left Over in Premier’s Office

November 2, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After two months in office, Manitoba’s first Mennonite premier sure knacked a lot of zoat. This, according to new premier Heather Stefanson, who had to hire a backhoe to remove all of Kelvin […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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