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health

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandmas Hired to Lead National Contact Tracing Program

November 5, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Oma Rempel of Saskatoon has just signed on to head the Canadian national contract tracing program. “We knew we had to go to the experts,” said Prime Minister Trudeau. “Plus no one could […]

Unger Suspicion

Golden Boy Tests Positive for Covid

November 2, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB According to a press conference held this afternoon, the Golden Boy that sits atop the Manitoba Legislative Building has just tested positive for Covid and will now be required to go into isolation […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Woman Turns Her Clock Back to 2019

November 1, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Rather than going back just one hour, one local woman decided to move her clock back a whole year to a time before the complete dumpster fire that was 2020. “I figured, hey, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Doctor Shortage Finally Solved as Thousands of Medical Experts Appear Online

October 30, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The doctor shortage in southern Manitoba has finally been solved as thousands of people in the area are now apparently fully-fledged medical experts. “We’ve seen a huge surge in medical expertise, not just […]

Unger Suspicion

Productivity Way Down as Canadians Spend All Day Refreshing Test Results Page

October 29, 2020 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC A new study out of the University of Chilliwack has attributed the entirety of Canada’s economic downturn to the fact that Canadians are spending all every day refreshing their Covid test result screens. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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