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Unger & Thirst

Winkler Supermarket Starts Selling Liquor to Convince Mennonites to Cover Their Faces

January 20, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Earlier this week Winkler’s favourite grocery store Seea Goot Mart added vodka and rum to store shelves in an effort to convince locals to cover their faces like they’re supposed to. “I guess […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Demand the Return of Prime Minister Stephen Harder

January 15, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Mennonites gathered in various angry Facebook groups over the weekend to give thumbs up to a wide variety of memes calling for the replacement of Prime Minister Trudeau with Stephen Harder. “Oba, things […]

The Daily Bonnet

Province Totally Gives Up on Oma Krahn Fight

January 13, 2022 Andrew

VANAPAG, MENNOTOBA After getting their behinds whooped by a kindly Mennonite grandmother for the past couple weeks, the provincial government has decided that this Oma Krahn is just too much to handle and will no […]

Unger Suspicion

Joe Biden to be Replaced with Napping Mennonite Man

December 7, 2021 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS After a tight vote in the US Senate, President Joe Biden has been ousted and will be replaced with a half-asleep Mennonite man from just outside Goessel, Kansas. “Shhh, you don’t want to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Can’t Decide Whether Politician He Hates is a Nazi or a Commie

September 17, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Mr. Fehr is struggling to decided whether a politician he hates is a Nazi or a Communist. “There aren’t any other options,” said Mr. Fehr. “If I disagree with that man […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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