Beta Male Finally Switches to VHS


Dave Miller, 31, of Goshen has been a devout Beta male ever since he inherited his grandfather’s VCR and collection of Smokey and the Bandit movies from the 80s.

“And people say being a Beta male is a bad thing,” said Miller, “but they’re forgetting about the superior picture quality and all that.”

Despite his lifelong commitment to Beta, Miller says he’s now ready for a change.

“I just have to face reality,” said Miller. “There’s a much wider selection if I get rid of the Beta.”

Miller says he managed to find a nice VHS player in working condition as his local thrift store.

“And the moment I brought it home, I was getting phone calls for dates,” said Miller. “This weekend, Sarah from church is bringing over her copies of The Cross and the Switchblade and maybe even The Thief in the Night. It’s time to VHS and chill.”

Now that he’s no longer a Beta male, Miller says his next goal is to become a DVD male or maybe even a Blu-ray male.

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