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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Lusts After Another Man’s Plate of Food as it Passes

August 22, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Harry Ens of Fresno requested a private meeting with the pastor this week to discuss his propensity to lust after other men’s plates of food. “I can’t help myself,” said Ens. “Just as […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Devastated by Meagre Serving of Farmer Sausage

February 8, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mr. Krahn of La Crete has very disappointed in the “puny” portion of formavorscht he was given for supper this past Wednesday. “Looks like no more than a ring and a half!” […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Devours Entire Advent Calendar One Week In

December 9, 2019 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Mrs. Jost, 51, was sick and tired of this “one chocolate a day” rule and decided to open all the boxes still left in her annual advent calendar and wolf down all the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Family to Survive on Last Sunday’s Leftovers for the Next Two Years

October 14, 2018 Andrew

FORT VERMILLION, AB There was so much food leftover at the Reimer family potluck last Sunday that the entire clan had enough food to last for the next two years. “We were told to bring […]

Unger & Thirst

24 Hours Later, Dad is Still Going Back for “Just One More Plate”

June 18, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Sunday, June 17 was the 2018 Manitoba Marathon, an event where Mennonite dads compete to see who can make the most return visits to refill their plates with vereniki and schmaunt fat at […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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