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The Daily Bonnet

Area Mall Fights Loitering by Blasting Mennonite Hymns

April 17, 2025 Andrew

GRETNA, MB Southern Manitoba’s most popular shopping centre in Gretna, Manitoba has gone to extreme lengths to get rid of the teens who’ve been loitering in the parking lot this spring. To address this problem, […]

Unger Suspicion

Bloated Gassy Tourist Rushes for Nearest ‘Ausfahrt’

January 24, 2025 Andrew

MUNICH, GERMANY On a recent trip to Germany this winter, all the hearty schnitzels and sausages had Canadian tourist Pete Dueck, 47, in a constant need to break wind. “And the first thing I noticed […]

The Daily Bonnet

Germans Excited for ‘Taylor Schnell’ Concert

July 11, 2024 Andrew

HAMBURG, GERMANY Local music fans are lining up outside the Volksparkstadion in Hamburg this afternoon to witness pop star Taylor Schnell. “Schnell! Schnell! Get on the train,” yelled train attendant Olga Kaiserbun. “All aboard for […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Learns German Just So He Can Keep Up With the News

December 3, 2023 Andrew

BLUE CREEK, BELIZE Area man David Siemens was sick and tired of not having a hot clue what everyone was talking about in the coffee shop and has decided it’s finally time to learn German. […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Census Data Identifies ‘English mixed with Plautdietsch and a bit of regular German mixed in yet’ as Most Popular Language in Winkler

September 7, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Recently released figures from Stats Canada show that English with a sprinkling of Low and High German is the most common mother tongue in the RM of Winkler yet once. “Oh, jauma, they […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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