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gender roles

The Daily Bonnet

Mom’s Spoon Preferred to Dad’s Belt, Survey Results Suggest

April 29, 2018 Andrew

SALEM, OR A new survey of Mennonite children and ex-children suggests a strong preference for mom’s spoon to dad’s belt during disciplinary sessions. The survey asked more than a thousand Mennonite children and two thousand […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Faces Barrage of Questions After Wife Pulls Up to Church in the Driver’s Seat

March 20, 2018 Andrew

OSLER, SK Mr. and Mrs. George and Aggie Brandt of Osler were held for questioning by the church board this week after pulling onto the parking lot of South Osler Mennonite with Aggie at the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dishes are Miraculously Washed as Mennonite Man Naps on Sunday Afternoon

February 18, 2018 Andrew

SCHANZENBURG, SK After devouring a delicious meal of schinke fleish and fried potatoes, local man Henry Wiebe, 47, decided to unbutton his pants, kick up his feet, and lie down in the living room while […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonites’ Deemed Offensive, To Be Replaced with ‘Personnonites’

February 8, 2018 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Protestors surrounded a Mennonite church in Edmonton this week demanding that it immediately remove the offensive gender-specific label of ‘Mennonite’ from all signage. “We say ‘Personnonites’ now,” said one protestor as he defaced […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Gets Second Bathroom

January 3, 2018 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB After years of sharing the same washroom, local couple, Walter and Susanna Martens, have finally decided to upgrade their Landmark bungalow by adding a luxurious second bathroom. “As soon as I saw those […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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