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frugality

Unger & Thirst

“Buying Crackers is For Suckers!” Claims Mennonite Woman

November 19, 2019 Andrew

CARMAN,MB Local woman Mrs. Schellenberg, 68, of Carman has amassed a stockpile of more than 10,000 packages of Premium Plus crackers that she’s swiped from local restaurants over the past twenty years. “Buying crackers is […]

Unger & Thirst

Olive Garden Runs Out of Gift Cards During Pastor Appreciation Month

October 15, 2019 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Olive Garden locations across the continent have been running short on gift cards after every single pastor received $20 in Olive Garden money for Pastor Appreciation Month. “At first we weren’t sure […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Flock to Get their Hands on $65 Elton John T-Shirts

October 5, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mennonites were crowding the hallways at the Bell MTS Place last night to get their hands on some $65 Elton John T-Shirts. “Oba, yo! Oh, look, a hoodie for $125 and for just […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Attends Funerals Just for All the Free Food

September 29, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mrs. Doerksen has a busy funeral schedule this week attending all the funerals of people with whom she had only marginal acquaintance. “It’s a good place to stock up on cheese curds and […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Waters Down Her Ketchup to Make it Last

September 22, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB Mrs. Plett decided to add three cups of water to her bottle of ketchup and “bring that stuff back to life.” The practice of watering down ketchup has strong roots in the Mennonite […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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