Local Couple is Pretty Sure ‘Love Your Neighbour’ Isn’t Literal


Empty nesters, Jeff and Nicole Klassen, are certain that the ‘neighbour’ referred to by Jesus is, like, way on the other side of the world and not the nosy spinster next door.

“I like to think of ‘neighbour’ in the more global sense of the term,” stated Nicole. “I’m all for sending money to help orphans in Botswana or making my shoeboxes at Christmas for the little kids in Sri Lanka, but listening to Hilda Barkman’s long-winded lectures on the state of my garden is asking just a little too much.”

The Klassens are particularly upset to have been reported to the municipal office for not taking adequate care of their dandelions.

“We received a little note on the door saying we had to deal with the weeds,” said Nicole. “I’m certain it was the crazy lady next door who ratted us out. I could just feel her eyes on me as I stood there at the front door reading that repugnant notice.”

The aforementioned lady also tends to gossip about the Klassens, often completely fabricating stories about wild parties, general debauchery and moral decay. She is often seen at municipal board meetings cornering the reeve with her paranoid requests about street cleaning and ditch drainage. It was precisely this sort of behaviour that caused the Klassens to question their scriptural hermeneutic.

“Like, just how literal is this ‘neighbour’ stuff, anyway?” wondered Jeff. “I’d way rather show love to someone I don’t actually have to live next door to.”

(Photo credit: by Mac McCreery/CC)

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