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friesen

Unger the Influence

Manitoba Plans to Have 2 Million Friesens By the Year 2030

September 18, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Conservative leader Heather Stefanson has laid out her aggressive plan to increase Manitoba’s population to 2 million people by the year 2030 using the province’s most efficient reproduction machine: Friesens. “Really, I’m just […]

The Daily Bonnet

Hottest Day in History Has Mr. Friesen Considering a Name Change

July 8, 2023 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK Days after scientists reported the hottest day in the earth’s history, area man Dick Friesen is considering changing his name to “more accurately reflect the current state of affairs.” “Diewel, it’s hot out,” […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Woman Discovered Hidden Behind Her Englisher Husband’s Surname

January 8, 2023 Andrew

HOCHSTEIN, MB When Sarah Smith, 27, moved to Hochstein from the city this year to run the coffee shop, locals were immediately impressed by the “authentic Englisher” they now had living in their midst. “Smith […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesen Girls Have Got Those Old ‘Back to Home School’ Blues

August 28, 2022 Andrew

HENDERSON, NE It’s back to home school time for Bethany, Anne, Erin, Susie, Sally, Melissa, and Taylor Friesen of Henderson, Nebraska. The Friesen girls have finished all their back to home school shopping and now […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesen Population Set to Pass 8 Billion ‘Any Day Now’

August 18, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB According to a UN study, the Friesen population is projected to reach 8,000,000,000 within days. The Friesen Population Clock was at 7.97 billion this week and statisticians are on pins and needles waiting […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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