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football

Unger Games

Elderly Mennonite Woman Picks Off Johnny Manziel Four Times in CFL Debut

August 9, 2018 Andrew

MONTREAL, QC The Hamilton Tigercats were so confident in their ability to stop controversial former college star Johnny Manziel this week that they decided to bring in an elderly Mennonite woman on defence. And, boy, […]

Unger Games

Local Man Dies of Boredom Watching Soccer

July 2, 2018 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Local man Mr. Gingrich, 73, of Kitchener passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday. He was discovered by his daughter Samantha, who found him on the couch with a World Cup match still […]

Unger Games

New Bombers Quarterback Inspired By Patrik Laine’s Mennonite Beard

June 23, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Rookie Winnipeg Blue Bombers quarterback Chris Streveler filled in for an injured Matt Nichols on Friday night and led the team to a 56-10 rout over the Montreal Alouettes. As notable as his […]

Unger Games

2018 FIFA Mennonite World Cup Rankings

June 14, 2018 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA FIFA has announced its final rankings just before the 2018 Mennonite World Cup in Russia. Some of these rankings have us a little baffled. Let’s have a look. 1) Russia  – Some have […]

Unger Games

American Hockey Expert Makes His Picks for NHL Playoffs

April 25, 2018 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY America’s foremost hockey expert has made his prognostication for the 2018 NHL playoffs. After a meticulous five minute Google search where he learned the entirety of his hockey knowledge, the American analyst […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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