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food

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Prays So Long the Food Gets Cold

April 4, 2024 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Mr. Gary Krahn set a new record in Swift Current this weekend by praying a full 2 hours and 15 minutes before the meal this Sunday afternoon. “Oba, he doesn’t need to […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Can’t Figure Out What to Make for Supper Tonight

April 2, 2024 Andrew

LINDEN, AB When Earl Dueck was tasked with cooking supper tonight, he initially thought the planning would be easy. “All I know is it has to be good,” said Dueck. “We are having guests.” But […]

Unger & Thirst

What do you call these things?

December 31, 2023 Andrew

They’re an annual tradition, something that brings Mennonites of all shapes and sizes together, but one thing we can’t agree on – just what do you call those golden balls of a New Year’s deliciousness? […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Bids Fond Farewell to Future Farmer Sausage

July 26, 2023 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Earlier this week, Mrs. Erin Neufeld, 22, of Grunthal, Manitoba paid her last respects to her beloved pig Stockwell, named after the former leader of the Canadian Alliance Party. “I’ll be seeing you […]

Unger & Thirst

Béchamel Sauce Revealed to be Nothing More than Schmaunt Fat

April 21, 2023 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE The white roux known as béchamel sauce has been revealed to be nothing more than the Russian Mennonite peasant dish known as schmaunt fat. The revelation sent shockwaves across the haute cuisine community. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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