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Unger & Thirst

Despair Strikes Mennonite Man After Fruitless Search for Ketchup

January 25, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Joel Berg, 43, spent more than an hour this afternoon rifling through his McDonald’s bag in search of ketchup, but, alas, it was all for naught. “I pulled over to do […]

Unger Suspicion

In Solidarity with Lisa LaFlamme, Restaurant to Put One Grey Hair in Every Bowl of Chili

August 26, 2022 Andrew

ETOBICOKE, ON In an act of incredible bravery and profound solidarity with recently ousted CTV anchor Lisa LaFlamme, one local restaurant will be replacing the occasional brown or blonde hair in their famous bowls of […]

Unger & Thirst

Generous Mennonite Family Treats Dad to an Order of Mozza Sticks

June 16, 2019 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON The generous Weaver family of Waterloo treated their beloved Dad to a delicious order of Applebee’s mozza sticks and marinara sauce this Sunday. “These mozza sticks represent all that you mean to us, […]

Unger & Thirst

Children Not So Happy After Dad Drives Off with Happy Meals on the Roof of His Car

April 14, 2019 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mr. Earl Penner had some explaining to do after he inadvertently drove off with the kid’s Happy Meals on the roof of his car. “I came home and I was, like, ‘Well, we’ve […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Man Gets 20 Years in Prison for Stealing A&W Mug

March 29, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A 40-year-old man from Winnipeg was sentenced to twenty years in a maximum security prison this week for stealing an A&W root beer mug back in 1998. “For years it was a cold […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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