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fast food

Unger & Thirst

Stick Holding Debit Machine at Drivethru Falls Just Short of Actually Reaching Car

April 1, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The long rod that holds the debit machine was not quite long enough to reach Mrs. Plett’s car this afternoon, forcing the frustrated fast food lover to pull over and come inside to […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Confuses Wendy’s Ketchup Cup for Communion

March 27, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Steve Wiens, 40, was very excited to pump his own ketchup at the local Wendy’s restaurant this week, especially given that it was Communion Sunday. “Oh look, communion cups!” proclaimed Wiens, […]

Unger & Thirst

McDonald’s is Launching Farmer Sausage Big Mac Across Canada

March 2, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC After the roaring success of the new chicken-variation on a Big Mac, McDonald’s is now looking to combine even more unconventional meats  with their signature overly soft buns and their not-so-secret sauce. “The […]

Unger & Thirst

Adventurous Steinbach Couple Discover Strange Exotic New Restaurant Called Burger King

February 25, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The Unraus of Steinbach are known for being among the most adventurous eaters in town, having “tried scallops once,” and even dined at a non-chain restaurant on two or three occasions. “I guess you […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Calls 911 Because Her Whopper is Not a Big Mac

February 24, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Lines at Steinbach’s brand new Burger King location snaked all the way to Winkler this afternoon, but some locals were not satisfied with what they discovered when they finally arrived at the restaurant. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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