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easter

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Can’t Figure Out What to Give Up for Lent Since Everything Fun is Already Forbidden

March 8, 2019 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA Mennonites across North America were baffled this week as other Christians were doing something called “Lent” for forty days. “Apparently they give up something pleasurable to God for forty days,” said Andrew Miller […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Embarks on New Career After a Weekend of Gorging on Oma’s Cooking

April 2, 2018 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Local man Billy Fehr has decided to quit his job at the Leamington ketchup factory to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a professional sumo wrestler. Fehr said he made his decision after […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Child Found Four Days Later Still Searching for Easter Egg

April 20, 2017 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Four days after the annual Giesbrecht family easter egg hunt a distraught Timothy Giesbrecht, 6, was located in Oma and Opa’s backyard frantically searching for the colourful hard-boiled treat. “This is the last time we […]

Unger & Thirst

Pastor Shortens Sermon to Allow More Time to Eat Paska Buns

April 16, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Pastor Dave at East Winkler EBMC church decided to cut his Easter sermon short this morning in order to allow his eager parishioners more time to gorge themselves on delicious Mennonite paska buns. “I figured […]

Unger Conviction

‘Reverse Lent’ Begins Today for Devout Mennonites

March 1, 2017 Andrew

DALLAS, OR On Ash Wednesday, Mennonites across the world cease their regular practice of abstaining from anything pleasurable and instead take up a wide variety of unhealthy habits. Local woman Patricia Voth, 65, of the small […]

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