Mennonite Man Can’t Figure Out What to Give Up for Lent Since Everything Fun is Already Forbidden


Mennonites across North America were baffled this week as other Christians were doing something called “Lent” for forty days.

“Apparently they give up something pleasurable to God for forty days,” said Andrew Miller of Intercourse. “What would I give up? I’m already not doing anything fun.”

The local Mennonite church already forbids smoking, dancing, drinking, and the use of modern technology, so Miller wasn’t sure how this whole Lent thing was supposed to go down.

“So these other folks just have to be miserable for forty days?” wondered Miller. “That seems a little slack. Us Mennonites have Lent 365 days a year!”

Miller suggested that if all these Lent-practicing Christians wanted a real sacrifice they could come haul manure on his pig farm for a few years.

“I know everyone thinks it’s a barrel of laughs for forty days, but, believe me, long term, this kind of life ain’t all that fun,” said Miller. “And there are new rules all the time. The elders banned Queen-sized beds just last month. That double-bed gets pretty cramped for a family of eight.”

Miller is considering converting to Anglicanism just so he can have the pleasure of giving up booze and smoking for only one month of the year.

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