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Unger & Thirst

Pigeon With Backpack Full of Knackzoat Caught at BC Prison

January 10, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Abbotsford Correctional Services are investigating after a pigeon with a backpack full of delicious dill pickle-flavoured sunflower seeds with found at the Fraser Valley MB Prison this week. “It appears that someone on […]

The Daily Bonnet

How to Tell if Your Christmas Tree is Illegal

December 20, 2022 Andrew

Oba, so these days even in Schteinback you have to know where your tree is coming from once yet such. You just can’t trust anyone who says, “Oba, yo, I’ve got a tree for you […]

Unger & Thirst

Protestors Toss Borscht at Van Gogh Painting

October 20, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Protesting the high cost of sunflower seeds, angry Mennonites hurled margarine containers of warmed-up cabbage borscht at the giant Van Gogh painting in Altona, Manitoba this morning. “Well, they attempted to, anyway,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Transit Purchases New Fleet of Honda Civics

October 18, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area seniors are really excited that the City of Steinbach has finally approved the long-awaited public transit system. “We’ve contracted 20-year-olds in Honda Civics to pick up any grandmas they see and drive […]

Unger & Thirst

BC to Decriminalize Up to 2.5 Grams of Borscht

June 7, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC As of July 1 this year, the government of British Columbia will decriminalize possession of up to 2.5 grams of cabbage borscht, so long as it’s for personal use. “Borscht is a health issue,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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