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crime

Unger the Influence

Trump Deploys National Guard to Goessel, Kansas

August 12, 2025 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS After a crime wave in recent months, President Trump has deployed the National Guard to the small Mennonite farming town of Goessel, Kansas. “We’ve gotta get those Hiebert boys under control,” said President […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Shoplifting Rhubarb

August 30, 2024 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Area woman Maryanne Voth was so desperate to make platz this weekend that she found herself with a temptation she just couldn’t resist: rhubarb. “Usually Anges Froese provides me with all the rhubarb […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbach Woman Calls Police About Long Line at Krispy Kreme

June 23, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area woman Mrs. Hiebert, 81, of Steinbach called in a police report this morning after she noticed a long time of vehicles stretching all the way from the new Kripsy Kreme in Winnipeg, […]

The Daily Bonnet

10 Items You Should Not Donate to the Abbotsford Thrift Store

February 28, 2024 Andrew

Oba, nay! So after an unfortunate donation at an Abbotsford thrift store this week, we thought we’d make the rules a little more clear. Please, folks, whatever you do, do not donate the following items […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Dealing Dime Bags of White Sugar

December 10, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona’s most notorious sugar dealer, 83-year-old Edith Braun, has been caught dealing “dime bags” of white sugar in the hallways of Southview Manor. “The street price of white sugar has soared this holiday […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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