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crime

Unger & Thirst

Thieves Steal ‘Mennonite Crown Jewels’ in Brazen Daytime Heist

October 20, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB   Winkler, Manitoba, often called the Paris of the Pembina Valley, was the victim of a brazen daytime heist this week after balaclava-donning thieves on dirt bikes took off with Mrs. Reimer’s prized roll […]

Unger the Influence

Trump Deploys National Guard to Goessel, Kansas

August 12, 2025 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS After a crime wave in recent months, President Trump has deployed the National Guard to the small Mennonite farming town of Goessel, Kansas. “We’ve gotta get those Hiebert boys under control,” said President […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Shoplifting Rhubarb

August 30, 2024 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Area woman Maryanne Voth was so desperate to make platz this weekend that she found herself with a temptation she just couldn’t resist: rhubarb. “Usually Anges Froese provides me with all the rhubarb […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbach Woman Calls Police About Long Line at Krispy Kreme

June 23, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area woman Mrs. Hiebert, 81, of Steinbach called in a police report this morning after she noticed a long time of vehicles stretching all the way from the new Kripsy Kreme in Winnipeg, […]

The Daily Bonnet

10 Items You Should Not Donate to the Abbotsford Thrift Store

February 28, 2024 Andrew

Oba, nay! So after an unfortunate donation at an Abbotsford thrift store this week, we thought we’d make the rules a little more clear. Please, folks, whatever you do, do not donate the following items […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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