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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Forced to Wear Their Parkas Indoors So Dad Can Save on the Hydro Bill

December 5, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The Doerksen family of Winkler have been wearing their long underwear a lot this winter, thanks to Mr. Doerksen’s insistence that “no one better touch that darn thermostat!” “They keep raising the hydro […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Approves ‘Scandalous’ New Hemline

November 15, 2018 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK More than thirty parishioners fainted at the Harder-Dyck wedding in Swift Current this past Sunday after the bride sported a wedding dress with an ‘outrageous’ hemline just above the ankles. “The elders […]

The Daily Bonnet

Thrift Store Prices Still Not Cheap Enough for Mennonite Thieves

November 6, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Soaring prices at local thrift stores have forced some unscrupulous Mennonites into shoplifting in order to obtain the rubber boots and crocheted doilies needed for bare survival. “When I saw the prices, I had no other choice,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Old Colony Mennonites Confused for Trick-or-Treaters

October 31, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A group of Old Colony Mennonites were walking around Winkler today and, for some strange reason, people kept handing them Halloween candy. “One lady complemented me on my costume,” said Corny Wall, visiting […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Has Suspenders Confiscated at Quebec Border

October 15, 2018 Andrew

GATINEAU, QC Johan Brubacher hitched up the wagon this week, eager to take his family to Montreal, a city renowned for Mennonite specialties like poutine and craft beer. However, as soon as the buggy crossed […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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