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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Church Shuns Snowman For Being ‘Immodestly Dressed’

December 16, 2016 Andrew

PASTWA, MB A local snowman was shunned this week for setting a bad example for the young people of the congregation by dressing immodestly. “There he is out in the yard without any clothes on yet,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites React With Disgust to ‘Showy’ Supermoon

November 14, 2016 Andrew

WALDHEIM, SASK The largest moon in almost 70 years has been strutting its stuff across the globe tonight, much to the chagrin of Mennonites who found the display to be “repulsive.” “You don’t draw attention […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Soccer Mom Undergoes Surgery to Become Hockey Mom

November 12, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area woman, Jessica V. Brandt, has recently undergone plastic surgery just in time for the winter hockey season. “I have this procedure done once a year,” said Brandt. “As soon as the kids start […]

Unger & Thirst

Court Rules that Mennonites Are Allowed to Keep Their Masks on in the Liquor Store

October 15, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A Steinbach judge ruled today in favour of religious freedom, allowing Mennonites to wear full facial masks in “potentially embarrassing” public places like the liquor store or casino. “I’m pleased with the decision,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandmother Reacts With Disgust to Granddaughter’s Top

September 17, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mary Esau, 72, of Altona, Manitoba was completely disgusted this past week by her granddaughter’s striped tank-top and skinny jeans. Lindsay Esau, 23, had taken time out of her busy University schedule to drive […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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