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children

Unger Conviction

Children Terrified as Puppets Launch into Fiery ‘Hell and Damnation’ Sermon

August 17, 2018 Andrew

WICHITA, KS Children attending a Daily Vacation Bible School this summer at East Wichita Mennonite were left in complete shambles after a seemingly innocent puppet show took a turn for the dark side. Instead of […]

The Daily Bonnet

A List of Incredible Mennonite Superpowers

June 19, 2018 Andrew

While any just ordinary Mennonite can drain a swamp, milk a cow, or shoe a horse, only a rare few have these amazing superpowers. How many do you possess? Teleportation: The ability of Mennonite moms […]

Unger Suspicion

Steinbach Residents Excited for Opening of New Petting Zoo on Main Street

May 6, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Families throughout Southeast Manitoba are waking up early this morning, trying to be first in line outside the new Giant Tiger on Main Street. “I got all the kids ready to go at […]

Unger & Thirst

Penner Family Celebrates Cousin Peter’s Graduation from the Kid’s Table

May 4, 2018 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB The Penner family of Kleefeld are proud to announce that Cousin Peter, who had, for many decades, been considered too immature to sit with the adults has been graduated to the adult table […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mom’s Spoon Preferred to Dad’s Belt, Survey Results Suggest

April 29, 2018 Andrew

SALEM, OR A new survey of Mennonite children and ex-children suggests a strong preference for mom’s spoon to dad’s belt during disciplinary sessions. The survey asked more than a thousand Mennonite children and two thousand […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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