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The Daily Bonnet

Black Bumper Mennonite Develops Severe Chrome Fetish

December 8, 2016 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA According to his psychologist, it was sometime after an accident with an SUV that scuffed the black paint off his bumper, when area man Benjamin Horning developed his abnormal obsession with chrome. “Deprived […]

The Daily Bonnet

Small Town Residents Gather to Gawk at Mini Cooper

November 10, 2016 Andrew

FRIEDENSFELD, MB The presence of out-of-town yuppies in a 2006 Mini Cooper this week sparked a spontaneous outpouring of gawking as locals lined the streets to say, “hey, would you look at that!” while the […]

Unger & Thirst

Archaeologists Excavate Thick Layer of Sunflower Seeds on Car Floor

August 29, 2016 Andrew

WARMAN, SK More than twenty years of knackzoat accumulation, amounting to over three hundred kilos, has been excavated from the car floor of local couple Barney and Ethel Kehler of Warman. The Kehlers have been knacking zoat onto […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Drives Really Slow ‘To Be a Witness for the Lord’

August 25, 2016 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Traffic was backed up for miles in Saskatoon this past Friday as Matthias Harder, 74, of Dalmeny, decided to go to the city and drive really slow during rush hour. “This is my mission […]

The Daily Bonnet

Every Single Street in Steinbach to Go Under Construction Simultaneously…and Reverted to Gravel

June 22, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Construction crews are out in force in Steinbach, stripping the pavement from every single street in town at the very same time. “Once we’ve stripped the concrete off,” explained crew leader Paul Froese, […]

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