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calgary

Unger Suspicion

Lineup for Women’s Washroom Stretches 10 Miles

April 12, 2023 Andrew

CALGARY, AB The lineup for the women’s washroom after church this Sunday stretched more than 10 miles south and caused a traffic jam on Macleod Trail in Calgary. “Diewel, that’s a long line,” said Mrs. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Makes Millions Selling Chicken Coops to Calgary Yuppies

September 11, 2022 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Abe Koop of Linden, Alberta has capitalized on a strange new trend among Calgary yuppies: backyard chicken coops. Since the trend of raising your owns chickens caught on in Calgary, like, three weeks […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man’s Twenty Waved Off After Distinct Kicking Motion

May 29, 2022 Andrew

CALGARY, AB With just minutes left to play in game 5 of the Alberta crokinole finals, it seemed that Calgary’s Blake Kornelsen had flicked the twenty of his life. However, after consultation with the video […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Child Wondering Why We’re Singing All These Songs About Calgary this Time of Year

April 16, 2022 Andrew

OSLER, SK Easter is a confusing time for Mennonite children across the Canadian prairies as, for some reason, we’re all singing songs about Calgary, Alberta again. One such affected child is little Lisa Braun, 9, […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Trudeau Among 313 Canadians Banned from “Going Anywhere Near Alberta”

March 18, 2022 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Justin Trudeau was at the top of a list of 313 Canadians banned from going “within a hundred kilometers” of Alberta. “We don’t want him wearing a Flames jersey either,” said Calgary man […]

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