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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Funeral Movie ‘The Burial’ Shocks Audiences with Sheer Lack of Pickles

October 18, 2023 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Producers of the highly-anticipated Mennonite funeral thriller The Burial have opted to stretch the truth a little and remove all references to pickles and/or raisin buns from the movie. “Oba, a movie about the […]

Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Loves His New Mobile Office

July 18, 2023 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Local tomato grower Jake Martens of Leamington is really excited about his new mobile office that he picked up at the Ford dealership early this week. “I was tired of holding all my […]

Unger Conviction

Elon Musk Buys Mennonite Church, Appoints Himself Pastor

November 2, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Elon Musk is on a buying spree it seems, as reports out of Fresno, California this week indicate the billionaire has recently purchased the local MB church, fired all the staff, and appointed […]

Unger Suspicion

Elon Musk Tops Forbes List of “America’s Favourite Oligarchs”

March 12, 2022 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Forbes Magazine has just released a list of the richest oligarchs in America. On the top of the list were beloved American oligarchs Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerburg, and Bill Gates. […]

Unger & Thirst

Supply Chain Crisis Now Threatening Papsi and Ravels

December 6, 2021 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB The supply chain crisis is now causing a considerable backlog in the Papsi and Ravel supply, such that residents of the small Mennonite town of Kleefeld have resorted to eating dilly bars with […]

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