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altona

Unger Suspicion

Prime Minister, Bryan Adams Share Roll Kuchen in Altona

September 5, 2026 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Prime Minister Mark Carney and singer songwriter Bryan Adams were spotted wolfing down roll kuchen and rabus at the annual Altona Mennonite church picnic this weekend. “I mean he’s no Justin Trudeau, but […]

Unger Suspicion

Highway 75 Celebrates 75 Years Under Construction

October 13, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Festivities were held in nearby Altona, Manitoba this week to commemorate 75 years of road work on Highway 75. “My father worked on this road, my grandfather worked on this road, even my […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Drives 40 Minutes Out of Her Way to Go to the “Good” Thrift Store

March 8, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Despite protests from her husband who just didn’t understand, area woman Erin Stobbe drove nearly an hour from her inferior local thrift store to go to the “good one” in Altona. “Oba, my […]

Unger Suspicion

WestJet Accidentally Announces New Direct Flights from Winnipeg to Altona

May 13, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB WestJet announced this week a new direct flight between Winnipeg, Manitoba and the bustling Hartsfield-Jackson Airport in Altona. “Starting this fall, we’re offering direct flights all the way from Winnipeg to Altona,” said […]

Unger Games

Jennifer Jones Finds Curlers in Altona

February 22, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Manitoba’s greatest athlete Jennifer Jones has scoured the province for curlers and managed to find a pair in Altona of all places. “People kept telling me, ‘Jennifer, if you want a set of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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