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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man is Expanding Faster and is a Billion Years Younger than Previously Thought

April 27, 2019 Andrew

DALMENY, SK Scientists at the University of Dalmeny have discovered new evidence that suggests that Elder Voth is between 12.5 billion and 13 billion years old, rather than 13.6 billion as previously thought. “We’ve also […]

Unger Suspicion

Marie Kondo Inspires Huge Surge of Donations to Local Thrift Store

April 26, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The popularity of tidying guru Marie Kondo has meant a huge surge in donations to thrift stores across Mennonite country. “Do these margarine containers spark joy?” wondered Mrs. Friesen. “Meh, not really. To […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Dog Makes Huge Mess Just to Irritate Owner

April 25, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local dog Pieta Wiens, 7 (or 49 in dog years), decided to really give it his all at the park this past Sunday. Pieta made quite the mess and left owner Dietrich Wiens […]

Unger & Thirst

Google Honours Mennonites with Farmer Sausage Logo

April 24, 2019 Andrew

MENLO PARK, CA Every once in a while, Google changes its logo in recognition of groups or individuals who have contributed something noteworthy to society. Well, this week, the folks at Google decided to “honour […]

Unger Conviction

Snow Finally Melts Freeing Up Precious Spots in Church Parking Lot

April 23, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Every winter the parking situation at Altona Gospel Brethren Mennonite Fellowship Church becomes a bit awkward as a huge pile of snow accumulates on the lot and reduces the parking capacity by up […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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