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Unger Suspicion

Americans Feel So Much Safer After Assassination of Some Guy They Never Heard of Before

January 4, 2020 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Mr. Dueck of Seminole is breathing a sigh of relief this morning after it was revealed that some guy he’d never heard of before was now dead. “Finally I can sleep at night!” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Extended Family Gathering Relegated to Well Outside the Christmas Week

January 3, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Now that all the Krahn cousins have grown up and have children of their own, the Krahn gathering has been relegated to sometime in January at the Pizza Place for “whoever can […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Has Something to be Truly ‘Holier Than Thou’ About

January 2, 2020 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA After years of smugly pointing out the sins of others in the church lobby and in local coffee shops, self-proclaimed near-sinless holy man Mr. Zook of Lancaster has finally discovered something to truly […]

Unger Suspicion

Off-Key Mennonite Singers Top ‘Best Albums of the Decade’ List

January 1, 2020 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Despite the fact that the last ten years were undoubtedly the worst such span in popular music history, music critics have been forced by their editors to come up with ‘Best Albums […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Interrupt New ‘Star Wars’ Film with Impromptu Hymn Sing

December 30, 2019 Andrew

FRESNO, CA When the title card rolled up onto the screen of the new Star Wars movie, Mennonites and others well-versed in reading High German rose to their feet and sang along to ‘Das Emperium […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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