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Unger Suspicion

Passengers Rush to Board ‘Super Safe’ Flight with 99% Survival Rate

December 5, 2020 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL Passengers boarding a flight from Chicago to London today felt “super safe” after the captain announced that the plane had a “99% survival rate.” “Good evening. This is your captain speaking. The skies […]

Unger & Thirst

Shoplifter Donates Robin Hood Flour to the Poor

December 3, 2020 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC During the Great Abbotsford Flour Heist of 2020, Mr. Dueck, 82, made off with three small bags of Robin Hood flour under his coat and a couple more in a hidden compartment on […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mysterious Metal Monolith Appears in Front of Winkler Co-op

December 2, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Strange metallic objects have been popping up at significant sites across the world in the past few weeks. A shiny metal monolith in the parking lot by the Co-op in Winkler is the […]

Unger Games

SkyDome to Be Replaced with Massive Doug Ford Statue

December 1, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The 30-year-old Rogers Centre, aka SkyDome, in downtown Toronto is set for demolition this winter, but locals don’t have to wait long for the newest Toronto attraction as a massive 100-meter tall statue […]

Unger Conviction

New Edition of ‘Martyrs Mirror’ to Include Section on Minor Inconveniences Facing the Modern North American Church

November 30, 2020 Andrew

COLUMBUS, OH For centuries Thielman J. van Bright’s 17th century tome Martyrs Mirror or The Bloody Theater has preserved the horrific stories of martyrdom faced by Christians of the past. Now these tales of martyrs being burned […]

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