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The Daily Bonnet

Which Mennonite Colleges and Universities Made the ‘Final Four’?

April 7, 2022 Andrew

BLUFFTON, OH Every spring, Mennonite post-secondary institutions gather in Bluffton, Ohio to drink decaf and argue about seemingly trivial differences in theology. The event begins with dozens of school, but eventually the best debaters make […]

Unger Suspicion

Liberals and NDP Merge to form “Giant Scary Socialist Robot from Outer Space”

April 6, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The Canadian government has undergone a transformation this week and is now under the control of a huge ugly socialist robot from outer space. “OMG! Look, it’s Socialist Prime!” tweeted concerned citizen Mr. […]

Unger Conviction

MBer Charges the Stage After GCer’s Mennonite Joke Goes Terribly Wrong

April 5, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON The tri-annual MB-GC ecumenical service and plautz awards were going smoothly this Sunday until Mr. Goertzen got up on stage and took a cheap shot at the MBers in the audience. “What do […]

The Daily Bonnet

Unger Becomes First Mennonite Ever to Return Home to Manitoba After Trip to Abbotsford

April 4, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Writer Andrew Unger became the first Mennonite ever to return to his home province of Manitoba after a visit to Abbotsford, BC. Unger was in Abbotsford to read from his new book The […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Jets Sign Top Free Agent Enforcer Will Smith

April 3, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Desperately needing to shore up their physical game if they have any shot at the playoffs, the lowly Winnipeg Jets inked the hottest enforcer currently available – Will Smith. “I’m not sure how […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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