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The Daily Bonnet

Fight Breaks Out Over Coat at Local Thrift Store

November 25, 2021 Andrew

SEWARD, NE There was an all out brawl at the local thrift store this afternoon after a lovely faux fur winter coat was spotted by two Mennonite women simultaneously. “I saw it first!” yelled Mrs. […]

Unger Conviction

Top 10 Most Amazing Mennonite Albums Found at the Local MCC Store

November 24, 2021 Andrew

The local MCC store always provides a treasure trove of hip and groovy Mennonite gospel gems. When you pop one of these on the turntable you’re in for a wild night. The album covers are […]

Unger & Thirst

Demolished Winkler Tower Cripples City’s Schmaunt Fat Supply

November 23, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Just weeks after Winkler’s most famous landmark was demolished, the area’s schmaunt fat supply has all but dried up and residents are concerned they may have to resort to eating fruits and vegetables […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Boy Takes Girl to Church on First Date

November 22, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Nervous Peter, 18, finally worked up the courage to ask out Melissa who sits three seats in front of him in Mr. Epp’s period 3 Math class at WC Miller Collegiate. To his […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Asks Doctor for ‘Tipping Exemption’

November 21, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Frugal local man Dan Kehler has just asked his doctor for an official certificate stating that he is “medically incapable of tipping.” “It causes me such angst to tip,” said Kehler, “and I […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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