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Unger & Thirst

Adventurous Mennonite Man Opts for Schintjefleesch Over Foarmaworsht

December 30, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mr. Colin Berg is being hailed as “Steinbach’s most adventurous eater” this week after he went out on a limb and ordered the ham rather than the farmer sausage to accompany his vereniki. […]

Unger Games

World Junior Uno Tournament Cancelled

December 29, 2021 Andrew

RED DEER, AB After a surge in paper cuts and Hawkins Cheezies-coated fingers at the tournament in the MB church youth room in Red Deer this winter, the International Uno Federation has decided to cancel […]

The Daily Bonnet

Metaverse Allows Mennonites to Finally Experience Real Life

December 28, 2021 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Researchers at Fresno Pacific University have created a new metaverse for Mennonites, which forces participants to escape their cloistered Mennonite existence and face reality. “For centuries Mennonites have done everything in their power […]

The Daily Bonnet

Gathering Cancelled: Friesens Told to Go Home and Stay There

December 27, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK More than 250,000 Friesens were scheduled to attend the extended family gathering in Saskatoon this weekend, before the whole thing was called off at the last minute under Oma’s orders. “It was going […]

The Daily Bonnet

Christmas Lights Partake in Intermittent Fasting

December 26, 2021 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB The hottest new diet trend has taken the Christmas tree light world by storm. It’s called intermittent fasting and it seems all the lights this year are in on the trend. “Bought a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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