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The Daily Bonnet

Family Sells Modest Bungalow in Abbotsford to Live Like Kings in Winnipeg

September 4, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Janzens have just sold their modest 1100 sq. foot bungalow in Abbotsford and are using the funds to live like kings the rest of their lives in Winnipeg. “Even when you factor […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Clings Tightly to Casserole as Husband Drives to Potluck

September 3, 2022 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mrs. Dierdre F. Banman was seen firmly gripping her casserole on the way to the Kleine Gemeinde potluck this past Sunday. “We meddachschlopped a little too long this afternoon,” explained Banman. “So we […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Men Return from European Vacation with a Few New Habits

September 2, 2022 Andrew

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS This summer Henry Bueckert, 71, and his son Jack, 45, decided it was about time to visit the place where their ancestors came from, but little did they know, however, that they’d come […]

Unger Suspicion

Putin “Too Busy Shirtless Hunting” to Attend Gorbachev’s Funeral

September 1, 2022 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA Russian dictator Vladimir Putin is “far too busy hunting with my shirt off” to attend the funeral of the best leader Russia’s had in the past 100 years. “You see when it’s shirtless […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Amazing Race Canada’ Contestants Super Excited to Fly Over Manitoba Yet Again

August 31, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After visiting every small town in the Canadian Rockies this season, Amazing Race Canada participants opened their envelopes to discover they’d be flying right over Manitoba this week. “Oooh, where are we going […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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